Wat do u think of my story? good? bad? suggestions?

There she was, typing to luisa when HE burst into the room. he stood there standing tall as she sat tensely and breathed in his prescene. then, with the excess of a single exhale, he called her name.

she knew it wasnt possible. it wasnt possible luisa was telling the truth about her seeing the lead singer of one of their favorite bands, and most of all she knew it wanst true he was standing up aginst her helping her pull off her pants. he felt her curves and she forgot to feel embarrased that she wasnt a stick figure like she longed to be. little did she know, that her body helped form the lust that drove him to her.

she tried to pull her shirt the rest of the way off but she couldnt because he started to kiss her. animals by nickelback came onto shuffle on her itunes. gabes hands felt her neck and shoulders and stroke her hair.

but then she heard it. her itunes switched to an oldies song she hated. the only reason it was on there is because luisa downloaded it onto her computer at a sleepover when she was in the bathroom and never took it off. Maddy felt real life again, and it didnt feel good. it felt like fear and it went all through her body.

gabe was still pulling pulling his pants off. "n..no" she stumbled and pushed him off her .he looked up, suprised. and stopped. maddy heard the noised her computer made as she recieved instant messages.

lupexisxloved: maddi?

lupexisxloved: maddi?! are you there?! is something wrong!!

luisa knew maddy would never leave the computer without saying anything. luisa was too much of a worrier for that.

why did i have to set her preferences to read the ims aloud?!, maddy thought, and then she heard the im.

lupexisxloved: ok im coming over! shes gotten quite protective over the years. gabe and maddy exchanged stares. "she lives next door" maddy mentioned quietly. "****" gabe said. "do you have like a closet?" "are you kidding me?!" maddy asked, obviously pissed. "you know whatever, i dont even like her. dont you get it? i like you, maddy."

Wat do u think of my story? good? bad? suggestions?

its pretty good actually. You need to work on your grammar and tone down the sex but otherwise its great!

Wat do u think of my story? good? bad? suggestions?

a common 13 year old brain really ****** up piece of ****

Wat do u think of my story? good? bad? suggestions?

Hey, that was good.

I liked it.

Interesting.

Well, now everyone knows what you think about.

Wat do u think of my story? good? bad? suggestions?

Interesting(if slightly salacious!)You need to stop working as though you're just typing response on ANSWERS. I mean,you need to clean up your grammar and spelling or no one will take your work seriously as in the first sentence were you capitalize "he" it should be italicized or underlined. When someone is thinking,Italicize or underline.Other wise,you bring the reader in on the action in the first sentence(always an attention grabber and very wise to do so)Work on conflict and tension as you write. What are the stakes?Who doesn't want the heroine to get what she wants?Can she really trust her best friend?These are things you need to figure out.

Finish this